My house is soooo dirty…
"I clean up now?"
A man in Florida is accusing a maid he hired from the internet (craigslist I'm sure) to clean his house in the nude of stealing $40,000 worth of jewelry.
"Authorities said the woman arrived at the home in a one-piece, light colored dress. She took off the dress and cleaned the house for $100-per-hour. Sheriff's office spokeswoman Debbie Carter said the man told deputies he left the maid alone in the bedroom to clean.
When the man's wife came home from vacation, she discovered $40,000 in jewelry missing from their bedroom." (Source)
First of all, if you are going to pay someone a 100 dollars an hour to clean your house naked shouldn't you be watching her the whole time? Isn't that the point? I'm sure the average nude maid doesn't do as thorough a job as her clothed counterpart so the whole reason you would hire one is because you want to see a naked lady and maybe your house needs some minor tidying up.
Also I love that his wife was the one to discover the missing jewelry. I'm sure that was an awkward conversation.
This shit’s going straight to my head
I just read this article and had to comment on it. (Update: That article is gone, but I did find this article asking how a skull could be used as a bong.)
"Two men and a juvenile are accused of digging up a corpse, decapitating the body and using the head to smoke marijuana, according to court documents."
According to documents filed in the case, Gonzalez, Jones and an unnamed juvenile on March 15 went to an Humble cemetery, dug up a man's grave, left with the head and turned it into a "bong."
What the fuck? How stupid do you have to be to think that digging up a dead body, ripping its head off and smoking weed out of the skull is a good idea? I can see these dip shits now. "Oh man you know what would be fuckin amazing? If we made a pipe out of a human skull" "Oh shit that's be so sick" (high fives and slaps on backs all around)
I'm assuming they made it into a pipe (maybe using the eye socket as the bowl?) because I can't imagine what a human skull bong would look like. Maybe they just ducked taped that skull to their existing plastic bong?
Also they really should've been smoking crack out of that skull because if you are really that fucking stupid you might as well start smoking crack. What do you have to lose?
p.s. I like that the web address for that news site is Chron.com