This beer is far too cold
So I've already done a post on Bud Light and I know you have all been eagerly anticipating hearing my thoughts on other beverages. Thank you for your kind letters.
Well, Wait no longer!!
What's the deal with Coors light??
We get it. Your beer is cold. Is this your main selling point? "The Coldest Tasting Beer" "Brewed Cold"
Uhh, OK. Sounds good, let me have a sip. AH! Way too cold!! My front teeth hurt!
I Love Coors Light!!!
And the Cold activated can? Kinda neat I'll admit, but totally unnecessary. You know how I can tell if my beer is cold? I touch it. I touch the can. It's that simple.
Now I can hear some of you having objections already. "Well sometimes the can is cold but inside the liquid isn't as cold as I like" Deal with it and make better decisions in the future.
Also, Wide mouth can? Do we really need easier access to beer. Was the regular sized spout not getting the alcohol into our greedy gullets fast enough?
Budweiser may be the King of Beers but Coors is definitely the King of Gimmicks. I can't wait until they come out with cans with a little spout on the bottom for shotgunning.
Drinkability is Bullshit
I'm sure you've seen the ads by now. Bud Light has Drinkability not only that but this is what makes it better than other light beers.
Drinkability. This is supposed to be a selling point? Of course it has drinkability it's a liquid. All beers have drinkability. If it isn't a solid or a gas it probably can be drunk.
You know what doesn't have drinkability? Sand.
Does not go down smooth
Drinkability isn't even a word. Every time I type it my spell checker underlines it in red. Spell checker knows, Drinkability is a crock of shit.
And I like Bud Light. I know it tastes like water, that's part of the reason I like it. Until they invent alcoholic water I'll have to settle for Bud Light when I want to get more drunker with out that pesky taste of alcohol.
But you have to realize that drinkability is just a code word. What they are really selling is chugablility.
And they are right. Bud Light has great chugability. Exeptional Gulpability if you will, (will you?).
Worst Album Cover Ever
I was reading this article about the worst Pen & Pixel album covers when I came across this gem. How many ways is this cover awesome?
Bears wearing purple hats/yarmukles: Check
Bear wearing some sweet shades: Check
Assorted fruits and nuts: Check
Also look at the bears in the background not only are they drinking some sort of wine/alcoholic beverages but they are drinking out of the biggest glasses I have ever seen and wearing what I imagine to be very comfortable robes.
This shit’s going straight to my head
I just read this article and had to comment on it. (Update: That article is gone, but I did find this article asking how a skull could be used as a bong.)
"Two men and a juvenile are accused of digging up a corpse, decapitating the body and using the head to smoke marijuana, according to court documents."
According to documents filed in the case, Gonzalez, Jones and an unnamed juvenile on March 15 went to an Humble cemetery, dug up a man's grave, left with the head and turned it into a "bong."
What the fuck? How stupid do you have to be to think that digging up a dead body, ripping its head off and smoking weed out of the skull is a good idea? I can see these dip shits now. "Oh man you know what would be fuckin amazing? If we made a pipe out of a human skull" "Oh shit that's be so sick" (high fives and slaps on backs all around)
I'm assuming they made it into a pipe (maybe using the eye socket as the bowl?) because I can't imagine what a human skull bong would look like. Maybe they just ducked taped that skull to their existing plastic bong?
Also they really should've been smoking crack out of that skull because if you are really that fucking stupid you might as well start smoking crack. What do you have to lose?
p.s. I like that the web address for that news site is Chron.com