RoboCop Rap
The first RoboCop summarized through Rap. Spoilers (obvi!)
*Bonus: Predator Rap
Gran Torino Review
How sweet is this Poster?
Just saw Gran Torino. I heard it described as Grumpy Old Men meets Death Wish and being a huge Death Wish/Vigilante Movie fan (and Grumpy Old Men for that matter) I was psyched for this one. After seeing the movie, the description isn't accurate. The movie is more Grumpy Old Men than Death Wish but it's not really either. It's more of a drama than an action movie and while it is funny it's not a comedy.
Overall, Gran Torino is a very funny and a very good movie. It drags at times and it is by no means a masterpiece but it is entertaining and it has heart. Eastwood stars as Walt Kowalski, a crotchety old racist Korean war veteran whose neighborhood has become filled with Asians (Conflict anyone?). When the kid next door is hassaled by the Asian gang and the fight spills over onto his lawn (Get off my lawn) Kowalski becomes an unwilling hero to the community.
Eastwood plays the role of Kowalski to perfection. At the theater I was at on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, he got laughs almost every time he growled or used racist insults like "gook" or "spook" and that is practically the entire film. He's a lovable racist, completely politically incorrect but prejudiced against everyone so it's never offensive (unless you're one of those sourpusses who loves being offended).
Those expecting Death Wish should go rent Death Wish. Gran Torino is closer to a feel good comedy than a vigilante action movie. And it's great.
Verdict: Go See It. Now playing in LA and NY.
The Beast With A Billion Backs
Futurama was canceled in August 2003. I thought that that was the end for the little cartoon about life in the 31st Century, but luckily I was wrong. In April 2006 they announced they would be making 4 straight to DVD movies which would then be broken up into half hour chunks and shown on Comedy Central as their 5th season. Futurama was back and I was excited.
The Beast with a Billion Backs is the 2nd of those 4 planned movies and it is better than the first. The first movie, Bender's Big Score was released last Novemeber and was good but not great. I was glad Futurama was back and was entertained by the movie but it just didn't work as well as I had hoped. Well I'm glad to say that with Beast they have gotten back to what made Futurama one of my favorite shows. They have at least 2 more movies coming and if The Beast with a Billion Backs is any indication then we are in for a treat (or two treats?)
The Beast with a Billion Backs is funny, but more importantly it is also a good movie. The first DVD just seemed like a really long episode but this one actually feels like a real movie and a really good one at that.
The story starts off where the last one left off, but don't worry everything you need to know you are told in the first minute. The story starts off with an anomaly in the universe and the Planet Express crew going to explore it. There is a Invasion of the Body Snatchers feel to part of the movie (which is one of my favorite movies) and the side story about Bender is hilarious. Overall it is a really good and really funny movie and I think it will have a lot of replay value (I've already seen it twice).
Verdict: Good movie. Go buy it if you are a Futrama fan or rent it if you are new to Futurama.
Assassination
1987 105 Minutes
Taglines:
"They were reluctant running mates . . . in a race for their lives!"
"The secret service has never been this lethal"
Assassination is a pretty decent Bronson movie. He plays a secret service agent who against his wishes is assigned to protect the First Lady (who they call One Mama). Everything is routine until there is an assassination attempt on the First Lady and Bronson discovers there is a team of assassins on the loose who are determined to kill her. So Bronson and the First Lady (his real life wife at the time) go on the run together. The First Lady is so annoying for a while I was hoping that the assassins got her so the movie could focus more on Bronson kicking ass and less on his relationship with the First Lady. Eventually though, she kinda grows on you.
Bronson also has a couple of sidekicks, both of them fellow secret service agents: A black no nonsense tough guy and a cute asian woman who eventually seduces Bronson. The banter between Bronson and the Asian chick provide some of the most enjoyable parts of the film. After sleeping together the woman asks him why he doesn't just move in with her. Bronson's reply, "I don't want to die of a terminal orgasm." I have no idea what a terminal orgasm is, but then again, I never slept with Charles Bronson.
Other gems from the spunky Asian:
"Are your salmon swimming upstream?"
"Are you trying to melt that iceberg?"
And my absolute favorite: "Now you're sure you never had a roll with that tootsie?"
Assassination has some decent action scenes. There is a chase on a dirt bike with Bronson (or rather a very obvious stunt double) doing jumps and shooting at the bad guy with some sort of gun attached to the front. Also there is a speedboat vs. Jet ski chase with Bronson unfortunately not on the Jet ski.
There are also a decent number of explosions. This is one of those movies where things explode for seemingly no reason. A car crashes into a river. A few moments later...KABOOM! Of course it is ridiculous. That's the fun.
Verdict: A good Bronson Action movie. Campy and enjoyable the whole way through. Rent it and beware of a terminal orgasm.
Trailer:
10 to Midnight
1983 101 Minutes
Blurb:
A serial killer, Warren Stacey, messes with the wrong person when he chooses the daughter of rogue cop Leo Kessler (Bronson) as his next victim. Kessler nabs him on a trumped-up charge to put him in the slammer -- but it doesn't stick, and Stacey walks. When he goes back to his murderous deeds, Kessler's determined to get him off the streets for good.
10 to midnight is a classic Bronson movie. It was made when he was in his 60's but he is still as badass as ever. It is a good 80's style thriller and the acting by Bronson and the killer is excellent.
The killer in the movie is a Grade A creep. First of all, everytime he kills someone he has to be naked, no matter where he is. Apparently he cannot kill someone unless he is totally naked. He doesn't rape any of his victims a fact Bronson found obvious, "He obviously uses his knife as his penis" Bronson concludes. The killer also drives a Volswagen bug so it is clear that this is a total creep we are dealing with.
We also discover that Bronson's character hates quiche and only put it on his lunch tray becasue he thought it was pie. I bet Bronson himself isn't too fond of quiche. In fact I bet he despises it.
Verdict: Good Bronson movie and a decent thriller. Not too action packed but a couple moments that might make you jump. Worth watching for the creepy nudist serial killer alone.
Trailer:
See that sweet gunshot they keep showing in the trailer, the one they feature prominently on the box cover? Yeah that one. It's the only one in the movie.