My house is soooo dirty…
"I clean up now?"
A man in Florida is accusing a maid he hired from the internet (craigslist I'm sure) to clean his house in the nude of stealing $40,000 worth of jewelry.
"Authorities said the woman arrived at the home in a one-piece, light colored dress. She took off the dress and cleaned the house for $100-per-hour. Sheriff's office spokeswoman Debbie Carter said the man told deputies he left the maid alone in the bedroom to clean.
When the man's wife came home from vacation, she discovered $40,000 in jewelry missing from their bedroom." (Source)
First of all, if you are going to pay someone a 100 dollars an hour to clean your house naked shouldn't you be watching her the whole time? Isn't that the point? I'm sure the average nude maid doesn't do as thorough a job as her clothed counterpart so the whole reason you would hire one is because you want to see a naked lady and maybe your house needs some minor tidying up.
Also I love that his wife was the one to discover the missing jewelry. I'm sure that was an awkward conversation.
RAMBO
2008 91 Minutes
Blurb:
To save some captive missionaries, ex-Green Beret John James Rambo (Stallone) sets aside his peaceful existence along the Salween River in a war-torn region of Thailand to take action. Although he's still haunted by violent memories of his time as a U.S. soldier in Vietnam, Rambo is unable to turn his back on the aid workers who so desperately need his help.
This was not the greatest Rambo movie. It was better than the peice of poo that was Rambo 3 and overall it was entertaining, but I just didn't think it was that good. It is very violent and Rambo kills the shit out of a lot of people but after mowing down the umpteenth Burmese soldier it gets tiresome. The kills were not varied enough and there was hardly any cleaverness.
Also the female Christian missionary (Julie Benz from Dexter) was really annoying. She was worthless to the movie except to whine, close her eyes, and put her hands over her ears.
Verdict: Decent Rambo Movie. Good action and strong ending but overall not a great movie. Check it out if you like Rambo movies or watching old men on steroids traipse around the jungle.
"I should have saved more money."
[Insert Witty Title Here]
Every week I post the Cartoon for the New Yorker’s Caption Contest, add my silly caption, and invite my readers to do the same.
This week we have a woman looking at a lineup of different religious figures. Did they mug her? Worse?
Mam, do you recognize anyone you believe in?
You got anything? Send off your entry and then post it in the comments.
Vanishing Point
1971 98 Minutes
Blurb:
A classic among "car chase" movies. James Kowalski works for a car delivery service and agrees to motor a supercharged 1970 Dodge Challenger from Colorado to San Francisco. For grins and giggles, he bets that he can deposit the car in California in less than 15 hours. So begins an uproarious high-speed adventure that includes confrontations with a blind DJ, gay hitchhikers, a naked biker chick and lots of cops.
This is a pretty good movie. It reminds me of Easy Rider. One problem I had with the movie is that there is no good reason for Kowalski to try and make it to California so quickly. "Grins and giggles??" I like my protagonists to have better reasons for acting the way they do than that. If you see the movie you realize it isn't really about delivering the car it is about freedom and all that but it still bugs me that they don't give Kowalski better motivation for acting the way he does.
Now this is a car chase movie but it is also an old movie so do not expect any Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift style garbage here. It starts slow and isn't really that action packed.
Verdict: Interesting movie and pretty good. Check it out if you like Easy Rider, 70's movies, or car chases.
Trailer:
Kinjite: Forbidden Subjects
1989 97 Minutes
Blurb From Netflix:
A Japanese businessman goes to the cops for help when his daughter is abducted by a nefarious prostitution ring. Lieutenant Crowe (Charles Bronson) a man who unfortunately bears a strong prejudice against the Japanese, is on the case; fortunately, however, he hates pimps who prey on teens even more. Directed by J. Lee Thompson, Kinjite is considered one of Bronson's best action movies.
First off, only a total asshole would consider this to be one of Bronson's best action movies so you can forget that bullshit right away.
Secondly, That box cover is hot. They later replaced it with this turd:
Why?
Strangest parts of this movie:
- Bronson shoving a dildo (off-screen thankfully) up a guys ass after catching him with a teenage prostitute.
- Telling a pimp, after being given an expensive watch as a bribe: "I'd like to shove this up your ass, but I don't want to dirty my hands."
I don't know what's up with Bronson and guys asses in this movie but I don't like it.
- Bronson interupting a Japanese wedding (or some other big ceremony) to yell at them. "You walk around like you own the place. This is Los Angeles not Japan!"
The problem with this movie is that it is really two different stories,the story of the Japanese businessman and the story of the Japanese hating detective but the stories never come together in a satisfying way. In one scene the businessman touches Bronson's daughter's "special place" on the bus (which prompts Bronson's rants on the Japanese) but when they meet later in the movie there is no recognition. You keep waiting for Bronson to figure it out but he doesn't. Lame.
Verdict: A strange and not very good movie. Some decent action scenes but the story never comes together and you never get a reason to care about the characters. Watch it if you really like Bronson or weird movies.
Look how high I can kick!
Update: Found the trailer on youtube. It is awesome.
"That's Justice."
Caption Contest
Every week I post the Cartoon for the New Yorker’s Caption Contest, add my silly caption, and invite my readers to do the same.
This week have a whale in a courtroom. It looks like he is on trial and his Lawyer is objecting to something. Hmmm...
Objection! My client is actually a water living mammal.
Terrible. It looks like a cartoon that would be in a 7th grade science textbook.
You come up with anything?